Planning/Wedding day etiquette
Wedding day etiquette · SpeechesSay it well, keep it short
Every good wedding speech, whatever your role, has the same five parts. Learn the shape, fill it with one true story, and end with a glass in the air.
- Ideal lengthThree to five minutes
- WordsAbout 400 to 650
- StoriesOne, maybe two
- End withA clear toast
Nobody remembers a long speech fondly. Everyone remembers a short one that made them cry and laugh in the same minute.
Whether you are the best man, a maid of honor, a parent or a cousin asked last week, the job is the same: introduce yourself, show the room who this person is through one story, welcome the person they married, and lift a glass.
Speaking runs at roughly 130 words a minute, so a three-minute toast is about 400 words. Write it, read it aloud with a timer, then cut. Our role-specific guides go deeper for the best man, maid or matron of honor and father of the bride.
Five parts, in this order
Who you are
One sentence. “For those who don’t know me, I’m Maya, Sam’s sister and roommate for eighteen years.”
A thank-you
Briefly thank the hosts, and anyone who travelled. One line, not a list.
One story
A single specific memory that shows who your person is. Specific beats general: a place, a date, a thing they said.
The partner
Turn the story toward the person they married: when you first met them, what changed, why they fit.
The wish
What you hope for them. Keep it simple and warm.
The toast
Ask everyone to stand or raise a glass, and say their names. “To Sam and Jordan.” Then stop.
The running order at most receptions
Every wedding differs, and many couples now do all toasts in one block. This is the most common pattern, and it is what your planner or DJ will usually suggest.
| When | Who usually speaks | Length |
|---|---|---|
| Start of dinner | A host or parent welcomes everyone and thanks them for coming | 1–3 minutes |
| Between courses | Maid or matron of honor, then best man | 3–5 minutes each |
| After the main course | Short family toasts: a sibling, a grandparent, a godparent | 1–2 minutes each |
| Last word | The couple thanks everyone and raises a glass back | 2–3 minutes |
Speeches during dinner keep the room seated and attentive. Ask the couple when you are on, so you are not mid-bite when the mic comes your way. See how toasts fit around dinner in our reception timeline.
What to say, what to leave out
Do
- Speak to the whole room, including grandparents and colleagues.
- Use the partner’s name as often as your friend’s.
- Print it in large type, or use cards. Phones dim and buzz.
- Practise out loud at least five times, once in front of someone.
- Have one drink before, not three.
Don’t
- Mention exes, the bachelor or bachelorette party, or anything you would not say to a grandmother.
- Tell inside jokes that need explaining.
- Read a list of qualities. Show one, through a story.
- Apologise for being nervous or say you are “not a public speaker”.
- Run past five minutes. Ever.
Opening lines that work
Name, relationship, a hint of the story to come.Good evening, everyone. I’m Daniel, and I’ve had the honor of being Chris’s best friend since we were nine and he talked me into jumping off a garage roof.
A light, true line that relaxes the room and you.Hi, everyone. For those who don’t know me, I’m Ana’s older sister, and I promise to be brief, because she has asked me to be brief roughly forty times this week.
Stand where the couple can see you and the room can see them. We will be photographing their faces while you speak, and those reactions, the laughing and the crying, are the pictures they frame.
Lulan Studio · wedding photographers & filmmakers
Wedding speeches, answered
How long should a wedding speech be?
Three to five minutes for the maid of honor, best man and parents; one to two minutes for other family toasts. That is roughly 400 to 650 words at a natural pace.
Who gives speeches at a wedding?
Traditionally a host or parent welcomes guests, then the maid or matron of honor and the best man speak, and the couple closes with thanks. Many weddings add siblings or grandparents for short toasts.
When are the speeches at a wedding reception?
Most often during dinner, either after guests are seated or between courses. Some couples hold them during cocktail hour or just before the first dance. Ask the couple or planner.
Should I memorise my wedding speech?
Know the opening and the toast by heart, and keep the rest on cards or paper in a large font. Glancing down is fine; reading every word with your head down is not.
Keep reading, before the big day
All twenty guides live in our wedding day etiquette collection.
Planning the day? Let’s talk it through.
Tell us who is speaking, who is walking and when the dancing starts. We will help you build a timeline that gives every one of these moments its light, and photograph them so they last.