Planning/Wedding day etiquette
Wedding day etiquette · SpeechesMake them laugh, then make them cry
The best man’s speech is the one guests talk about at the bar. Here is how to make it funny without being cruel, and moving without being long.
- LengthFour minutes is perfect
- JokesAbout him, never about her
- StoriesOne great one
- FinishGlasses up, both names
Roast lightly, praise sincerely, and never forget there are grandparents in the room.
The best man speech has a reputation for chaos because too many are written the night before, around a single embarrassing story from a trip only three people were on. The ones that land are planned: one funny, true story that the whole room can follow, and a sincere turn toward the person he married.
Talk to the groom’s family and the couple’s friends a few weeks out for a story you do not already know. Then write, cut, and practise it out loud until you could give it without notes.
A structure that always works
Introduce yourself
Who you are and how you know the groom, in one or two lines.
Thank the room
The hosts, the families, anyone who travelled. Compliment the couple and the wedding party briefly.
The story
One funny, specific story that shows his character: loyal, hopeless with directions, the friend who always shows up.
The turn
Now get sincere. When did you realise his partner was the one? What changed in him?
Welcome the partner
Speak to them directly. What do you admire? What are you glad they have taken on?
The toast
Raise your glass, ask the room to stand, say both names.
A pro on getting it right
How to write a perfect best man speech
Wedding Speech Writer on YouTube. Structure, joke-writing and what to cut, from someone who writes them for a living.
Sample lines to make your own
For those who don’t know me, I’m Marcus. I’ve known Ben since our first day of college, when he locked us both out of our dorm in our socks. Nothing about his sense of direction has improved since.
But I knew things had changed the first time I saw him with Priya. He was early. He had a plan. He had, and I cannot stress this enough, a reservation.
Priya, thank you for loving the guy who has been my brother in every way except the paperwork. We have been waiting for you for a long time.
So please stand and raise your glasses. To Priya and Ben: may your adventures be long and your directions be accurate. To Priya and Ben.
Five things never to say
Exes
Not a name, not a hint, not a joke about how many.
The bachelor party
What happens there stays out of the speech. Always.
Money or the wedding cost
Nobody wants to hear about the bar tab or the budget.
Insults aimed at the partner
Tease the groom only, and gently. The partner gets warmth.
Inside jokes
If it needs a backstory, cut it. Half the room will be lost.
A ten-minute running time
Practise with a timer. Five minutes is the ceiling, four is ideal.
Pause after your best line. Groomsmen look at each other, the groom covers his face, his mom wipes her eyes. That two-second pause is when we get the picture, so give the room time to react before you move on.
Lulan Studio · wedding photographers & filmmakers
Best man speeches, answered
How long should a best man speech be?
Three to five minutes, roughly 400 to 650 words. Four minutes is a sweet spot: long enough for a real story, short enough that nobody checks their phone.
Does the best man speak before or after the maid of honor?
It varies. In many US weddings the maid of honor speaks first and the best man follows; some couples reverse it. Ask the couple and the DJ for the running order.
Can a best man speech be funny?
Yes, but aim the humour at the groom, keep it gentle, and make sure the whole room can follow it. Balance every joke with sincerity about the couple.
What if I am nervous about public speaking?
Practise aloud five or more times, know the first and last lines by heart, print the rest in large type and slow down. See our guide to microphones and nerves.
Keep reading, before the big day
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