Planning/Wedding day etiquette
Wedding day etiquette · SpeechesSixty seconds, straight from the heart
Not everyone in the wedding party gives a reception speech, but many are asked for a short toast at the rehearsal dinner, the shower or the after-party. Here is how to make a minute count.
- LengthOne minute, maybe two
- WhereRehearsal dinner, shower, after-party
- WordsAbout 150 to 250
- StoriesOne moment, not a saga
A short toast is a postcard, not a letter: one moment, one wish, one glass.
At the reception, speeches are usually limited to the maid or matron of honor, the best man and family. Bridesmaids and groomsmen most often toast at the rehearsal dinner, the bridal shower, the bachelorette or bachelor weekend, or a welcome party.
If you are asked to speak at the reception itself, check with the couple how long you have and where you fall in the running order. Keep it shorter than the maid of honor and best man.
A four-line toast
Who you are
“I’m Leo, one of Danny’s college roommates.”
One moment
A single, quick memory or trait. Ten seconds.
One wish
What you hope for them, in a sentence.
The glass
“To Danny and Nicole.”
Toasts you can borrow
I’m Tessa, and I’ve been Laura’s friend since we failed the same chemistry quiz. She has been teaching me the answers ever since. Tom, you got the best study partner there is. To Laura and Tom.
I’m Kev, Ryan’s cousin. Growing up, Ryan was the one who let the little kids win. He still does. Sophie, you have married the kindest man in this family, and we are very happy to have you. To Ryan and Sophie.
Agree who speaks; others can raise glasses together.We’re the bridesmaids, and we’ve agreed that only one of us is allowed to cry. It isn’t going to be me. Jess, Alex: we love you both. To Jess and Alex.
What the wedding party actually does
Beyond a toast, bridesmaids and groomsmen keep the day moving. Arrive on time for getting ready, carry the emergency kit, help gather family for photos, and walk in the order the coordinator gives you.
At the ceremony, bridesmaids often hold the bouquet during the vows and straighten the dress or veil; groomsmen may usher guests to their seats. At the reception, the wedding party gets the dance floor going and makes sure the couple eats.
See the processional order and our wedding day essentials checklist.
The wedding party are the people standing closest to the couple all day, so you are in more of the photographs than anyone except them. Put the phone away during the ceremony; your face reacting is part of the story.
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Wedding party toasts, answered
Do bridesmaids give speeches at the wedding?
Usually only the maid or matron of honor gives a reception speech. Bridesmaids more often toast at the rehearsal dinner, shower or bachelorette, unless the couple asks.
How long should a bridesmaid or groomsman toast be?
One to two minutes, about 150 to 250 words: who you are, one moment, one wish, and the toast.
Can the wedding party give a group toast?
Yes. Choose one or two speakers, keep it under two minutes, and have everyone stand and raise glasses together at the end.
What do groomsmen do on the wedding day?
Help the groom get ready, usher guests, walk in the processional, sign as witnesses if asked, gather family for photos and start the dancing.
Keep reading, before the big day
All twenty guides live in our wedding day etiquette collection.
Planning the day? Let’s talk it through.
Tell us who is speaking, who is walking and when the dancing starts. We will help you build a timeline that gives every one of these moments its light, and photograph them so they last.