Planning/Wedding day etiquette
Wedding day etiquette · GiftsHow to give, graciously
When to send it, where to put it on the day, and how gift customs change across the cultures we photograph every weekend, from red envelopes to the money dance.
- Best timeBefore the wedding
- On the dayCards and envelopes only
- Red envelopesNew bills, lucky numbers
- Thank-yousCouples send them within a few months
Ship boxes to the couple. Bring only a card or an envelope to the wedding itself.
The kindest gift is the one the couple does not have to carry home at midnight. Registry gifts are best shipped to the address on the registry before the wedding. On the day, a card with a cheque, cash or a note about your gift goes in the card box or to the gift table.
How much to spend is personal. Your relationship to the couple, your budget and local custom all play a part; nobody should feel they must match the cost of their meal.
When, where and how
Send it before the wedding
Ship from the registry a few weeks before. If you cannot, sending it soon after the wedding is also fine.
Use the card box
At the reception, cards go in the card box or to the gift table. Ask a coordinator if you cannot find it.
Registry, cash or experience
Registry gifts show you listened. Cash and cheques are welcome at most weddings, especially when the couple has a honeymoon or home fund.
Make it out correctly
To one name, or both, as the couple prefers. If unsure, use the name on the registry.
Pool with friends
Colleagues or friend groups often club together for a larger registry item. Sign everyone’s names on one card.
Still send something
A card and a gift, however modest, is customary if you were invited and declined.
Red envelopes, given properly
At Chinese and many Vietnamese weddings, cash in a red envelope (hongbao in Mandarin, lai see in Cantonese, lì xì in Vietnamese) is the traditional gift.
Use new, crisp bills
Ask your bank for fresh notes. Folded or worn bills look careless.
Choose a lucky amount
Even numbers are preferred, and many families like amounts with an eight. Avoid the number four, which sounds like the word for death.
Write your name
On the envelope, so the couple and family can record who gave what.
Give it at the sign-in table
Many banquets have a table at the entrance where envelopes are received and recorded.
Use both hands
Hand it over with both hands and a few words of congratulations.
Gift customs you may see
Money dance
Guests pin bills to the couple or toss them during a dance. Have small bills ready; join in with a smile, not a fistful.
Tea ceremony envelopes
At a Chinese or Vietnamese tea ceremony, elders give red envelopes or jewellery to the couple after being served tea.
Shagun
At many Indian weddings, cash gifts in an odd amount (often ending in one, such as 101) are considered auspicious.
Arras
At many Latino and Filipino ceremonies, thirteen coins are blessed and passed between the couple. This is part of the ceremony, not a guest gift.
Envelope at the door
At many Korean weddings, cash in a white envelope is handed in at a reception desk on arrival.
Charity gifts
Some couples ask for donations instead of gifts. Follow their lead and include a note with your card.
Gift customs give us some of the most joyful reception photos, from the lion dance to the money dance. If your family has one, tell us when it will happen so we are in the right place when the envelopes and the dollar bills start flying.
Lulan Studio · wedding photographers & filmmakers
Wedding gifts, answered
When should you send a wedding gift?
Ideally before the wedding, shipped to the address on the registry. Sending it soon after the wedding is also acceptable.
Should you bring a gift to the wedding?
Bring only a card or envelope. Boxed gifts are better shipped, so the couple does not need to transport them after the reception.
How much money goes in a red envelope?
It depends on your relationship and local custom. Use new bills, choose an even amount, often including an eight, and avoid amounts with a four.
Is it rude to give cash as a wedding gift?
No. Cash and cheques are welcome at most weddings and traditional at many, including Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean and Indian celebrations.
Keep reading, before the big day
All twenty guides live in our wedding day etiquette collection. Planning a tea ceremony? See how to plan a Chinese or Vietnamese tea ceremony.
Planning the day? Let’s talk it through.
Tell us who is speaking, who is walking and when the dancing starts. We will help you build a timeline that gives every one of these moments its light, and photograph them so they last.