Bride laughing as she holds up a handwritten wedding book, shot on 35mm film

Planning/Wedding day etiquette

Wedding day etiquette · Words

A few lines they will keep

Couples read every card, often more than once, and keep the best ones. Three or four sincere lines beat a long letter. Here is what to write for every kind of guest.

  • LengthThree or four sentences
  • Open withBoth names
  • Mention money?Lightly, or not at all
  • Sign withYour full name if they might not know you

Congratulate, add one personal line, wish them well, sign off warmly. That is the whole card.

A wedding card does three jobs: it congratulates, it says something only you could say, and it tells the couple clearly who it is from. That last part matters more than you would think when they are writing thank-you notes weeks later.

If the card goes with a cash gift or a cheque, a light line about using it is fine. Avoid stating the amount.

The shape

Four lines, in this order

  1. Greeting

    “Dear Ana and Leo,” using both names.

  2. Congratulations

    “Congratulations on your wedding day.”

  3. Something personal

    A memory, what you admire about them as a couple, or what you loved about the day.

  4. A wish and sign-off

    A hope for their future, then “With love,” and your name.

By relationship

Messages to borrow

Close friend

I have watched you two become a team over the past six years, and today was everything you deserve. Here is to the next sixty. All my love, Priya.

Family

Welcome to the family, Sam. We have loved you for years and are so happy to make it official. With love, Aunt Carol and Uncle Rick.

Coworker

Congratulations on your wedding! Wishing you both a lifetime of happiness. Warmly, Daniel from the design team.

Add your team or surname so they place you.
With a cash gift

Congratulations, Mei and Tom. We hope this helps with the honeymoon, or the first very good dinner in your new home. With love, the Wongs.

Plus-one you barely know

Thank you for having me to celebrate with you. It was a beautiful day. Congratulations, and best wishes, Jordan (Alex’s partner).

Belated card

We are a little late with this, but no less happy for you both. Congratulations on your marriage. With love, Kate and Ian.

Cards are welcome for months after the wedding.
Etiquette

Small rules, big difference

Do

  • Write by hand, even if it is short.
  • Use both names, spelled correctly.
  • Sign your full name if they may not know your handwriting.
  • Seal cash or cheques inside, and write your name on the envelope.

Don’t

  • State the gift amount.
  • Write jokes about marriage being a prison or a ball and chain.
  • Mention exes, fertility or anyone who is not there by choice.
  • Leave the card unsigned or signed “from us”.
A woman in a red dress reading her handwritten vows by a window in a dark wood-panelled room
Words written by hand are the ones that get kept.
Bride laughing as she holds up a handwritten wedding book, shot on 35mm film
From behind the camera

Couples often keep a few cards to photograph with their rings or flowers. A handwritten card in good handwriting, on good paper, has made it into more than one of our detail flat lays.

Lulan Studio · wedding photographers & filmmakers

Questions

Wedding cards, answered

What do you write in a wedding card?

Address both names, congratulate them, add one personal line, wish them well, and sign off with your name. Three or four sentences is plenty.

What do you write in a wedding card with money?

Congratulate the couple and add a light line such as “We hope this helps with the honeymoon.” Do not mention the amount.

What do you write in a wedding card for a coworker?

Keep it warm and simple: “Congratulations on your wedding! Wishing you both a lifetime of happiness,” and sign with your full name.

Is it too late to send a wedding card?

No. A card is welcome for months after the wedding. Acknowledge the delay lightly and send it.

Your wedding

Planning the day? Let’s talk it through.

Tell us who is speaking, who is walking and when the dancing starts. We will help you build a timeline that gives every one of these moments its light, and photograph them so they last.