Planning/Wedding day etiquette
Wedding day etiquette · SpeechesA mother’s toast, in a few true words
More mothers give wedding speeches every year, alone or alongside a partner. Here is when to speak, what to say, and how to share the moment with the other side of the family.
- WhenWelcome, rehearsal dinner or reception
- LengthTwo to four minutes
- Joint toastSplit it, rehearse the hand-off
- Groom’s parentsOften host the rehearsal dinner
You do not need permission from tradition to raise a glass to your child.
The mother of the bride may welcome guests in place of, or alongside, the father. The mother of the groom traditionally speaks at the rehearsal dinner, which the groom’s family often hosts, though many now speak at the reception too.
If both sets of parents want to speak at the reception, keep each toast short, or give one joint welcome for both families. It saves time and makes a lovely statement.
What to say, in order
Welcome and thanks
Thank guests for coming, and the other family for raising the person your child loves.
A memory
One small moment from your child’s life that says who they are.
What you see now
How they have grown, and what you saw when they found their partner.
Welcome their partner
Say their name. Tell them they are family.
A wish or a blessing
A line of advice, a blessing in your language, or a family saying.
The toast
Invite everyone to raise a glass.
Lines to make your own
When Mia was little, she made everyone in the house a birthday card, even on days that were nobody’s birthday. She still notices the people around her. Sam, she noticed you, and we are so glad she did.
Thirty-one years ago I held a very loud baby boy and wondered who he would become. Tonight I know: a kind, patient man, and a husband. Ellie, welcome to our family. You have been part of it for a long time already.
Agree who says which line, and stand together.On behalf of both our families, the Garcias and the Parks, thank you for being here. We started this year as two families. We end it as one.
My mother said the secret to marriage is to keep choosing each other, even on Tuesdays. So: may you choose each other every day, especially the ordinary ones.
Small courtesies that matter
Do
- Agree with the couple who speaks and when, well before the day.
- Coordinate with the other parents so you do not repeat each other.
- Include stepparents and late family members gracefully, if the couple wishes.
- Offer a line in your home language, then translate it.
Don’t
- Give advice that sounds like a warning.
- Mention grandchildren, timelines or family disagreements.
- Speak far longer than the maid of honor or best man.
- Forget to thank the couple’s friends who made the day happen.
Stand close to the couple for the toast if the room allows. A mother, her child and a raised glass in one frame is a photograph families keep on the mantel for decades.
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Parents’ speeches, answered
Does the mother of the bride give a speech?
She can. Either parent, both together, or a stepparent may welcome guests and toast the couple. There is no rule that it must be the father.
When does the mother of the groom give a speech?
Traditionally at the rehearsal dinner, which the groom’s family often hosts. Many also give a short toast at the reception if the couple wishes.
How long should a parent’s wedding toast be?
Two to four minutes. If several parents speak, keep each one shorter, or give one joint welcome.
Can parents give a toast together?
Yes. Split the speech into clear parts, rehearse the hand-off, and keep the total under five minutes.
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